The following is a list of characters in the ABC sitcom Better Off Ted.
[[File:Better Off Ted main characters.jpg|300px|right|thumb|''Better Off Teds main cast. From left to right: Phil, Linda, Ted, Veronica and Lem.]]
Primary characters
Ted CrispTheodore Margaret "Ted" Crisp (Jay Harrington) is the successful and yet conscientious head of research and development at Veridian Dynamics. He has been a single father to his daughter Rose, after a hostile break-up with his wife Stacy (who left to "save the world"). He frequently mentions his strained relationship with his father, who has always been disappointed in Ted for pursuing academic interests rather than following in his footsteps to become a plumber. Ted has a somewhat liaison-like position between the workers and the management of Veridian smoothing out the demands and expectations made on the other. Despite her aloofness, he is very close to Veronica and often acts as her confidant and conscience, and the two once had a brief sexual affair that on at least one later occasion they attempt to rekindle; this later complicates Ted's feelings for Linda as he instigates a "one office affair" rule that prevents him from pursuing a relationship with Linda until the very end of the series.
Veronica PalmerVeronica Palmer (Portia de Rossi) is Ted's boss. She’s confident, commanding, fiercely intelligent and slavishly devoted to the company. But she has a softer side that she’s not comfortable dealing with. Though she once had an "office affair" with Ted, she prides herself on her ability to detach herself emotionally from her employees, actively cultivating an image of being devoid of conscience, and willing to do anything to advance herself and the company. Despite this, she does use Ted as an advisor on some of the more "touchy-feely" parts of her job, and often surreptitiously aids him and her other employees when needed.
While she often leads initiatives that put the employees in danger, she isn’t totally heartless. Despite her insistence that everything she does is “for the company,” she sometimes quietly intervenes to help the other members of her department, although usually only after consultation with Ted. She denies any emotional motivation for these benevolent acts, though, often describing them as being in the best interests of the company, though numerous episodes reveal this to be an act. Nonetheless, she bonds with Ted's daughter Rose in the first season, and in season 2 even finds herself dealing with belated guilt over the possibility she had been given her management position by mistake.
Veronica has a strained relationship with her family. She feeds her sister while the sibling is asleep, in order to remain the thinner one. Her father owns a rival company, and the two often steal inventions from one another and pass them off as their own prompting identical retribution; this continues (with mutual consent) even after she learns her father only has a year to live. During the first season, we learn that she is involved in a long distance relationship with a magician, Mordor; the relationship collapses in season 2 when Ted catches Mordor carrying on an affair with another Veridian employee. The second season reveals that Veronica harbors aspirations to be a singer, with one of her songs, taken from a CD she recorded, even being played in the company elevator.
As the series progresses, despite her conscious (and unconscious) efforts to the contrary, she grows closer to Ted and Linda, acting as a confidante for the former and a mentor for the latter; particularly during the second season she is often shown letting down her guard with Ted.
Linda ZwordlingLinda Katherine Zwordling (Andrea Anders) is in the testing department at Veridian. Originally from Wisconsin where she used to work in cheese-making, she seems to desire a relationship with Ted, but is frustrated by his "one office affair" rule (though this is finally resolved in the series finale). She refuses to compromise her principles and is often the team's moral center. She always speaks her mind, and doesn't seem to mind offending people. She is often seen engaged in minor acts of rebellion against the company which she rationalizes as necessary to keep her sane, such as a recurring joke in the first season involving her stealing coffee creamer packages from the company coffee machines. She also finds herself, against her will, looking to Veronica as a mentor.