The _Boston Post_ says that the reason why cream is so dear is, that milk has risen so high the cream can't reach the top.
Rear up your lads like nails, and then they'll not only go through the world, but you may clench 'em on to the other side.
A native of Kentucky imitates the crowing of a cock so remarkably well, that the sun, upon several occasions, has risen two hours earlier by mistake.
The printer of the _Western Gazette_ lately published the following notice:--"Dry stove wood wanted immediately at this office, in exchange for papers. N.B. Don't bring logs that the _Devil_ can't split."
_Matrimony._--Hot buckwheat cake--comfortable slippers--smoking coffee--buttons--redeemed stockings--boot-jacks--happiness. _Bachelorhood._--Sheet-iron quilts--blue noses--frosty rooms--ice in the pitcher--unregenerated linen--heelless stockings--coffee sweetened with icicles--gutta-percha biscuits--flabby steaks--dull razors--corns--coughs and colics--rhubarb--aloes--misery.
A Mr. Jaber J. Jenkinson, of Arkansas, whose sight is such as to render glasses necessary, put his spectacles on his ear instead of his eyes, one day last week, and actually walked three miles sideways in a heavy rain before he discovered his mistake.
The _Boston Herald_ has the following infallible recipe:--"To make pie: Play at blind man's buff in a printing-office. To have music at dinner: Tell your wife she is not so handsome as the lady who lives over the way. To save butter: Make it so salt that nobody can eat it."
The wit deservedly won his bet who, in a company when every one was bragging of his tall relations, wagered that he himself had a brother twelve feet high. He had, he said, "two half-brothers, each measuring six feet."
A little boy once said to his aunt, "Aunty, I should think that Satan must be an awful trouble to God." "He must be troubled enough, indeed, I should think," she answered. "I don't see how he came to turn out so, when there _was no devil to put him up to it_."
Judge Beeler put a notice over his factory-gate at Lowell: "No cigars or Irishmen admitted within these walls; for," says he, "the one will set a flame agoin' among my cotton, and t'other among my gals. I won't have no such inflammable and dangerous things about me on no account."