"I suppose that will be after they have dropped their tails," said Seddon.
"Of course," said Bragg. "Man is but an improved species of monkey. Our ancestors were once monkeys, and carried long tails behind them."[2]
Here Tom Seddon fell back on a sofa and roared with laughter. Toney Belton reproved his friend for this unbecoming levity, and gravely remarked that learned men coincided with Captain Bragg in opinion, and that Lord Monboddo confidently asserted there was a race of men in Africa who still had tails.
"That is true, sir," said Bragg. "I have seen them myself;--have eaten and drank with them, and----" Here Tom Seddon exploded with laughter; while Toney remarked that Monboddo said that these long-tailed individuals were horrible cannibals, and were particularly fond of Dutchmen.
"I don't know about their fondness for Dutchmen," said Bragg. "I am an Anglo-Saxon, and I know that they treated me with great kindness; I remained with them for months; and many of them shed tears when I took my departure."
"Your discovery of this race of men in Africa seems to confirm the rabbinical theory," said Toney.
"The learned rabbinical doctors, in whose wisdom we should have great confidence, assert that man was originally created with a long tail."
"Just as I said!" exclaimed Bragg. "Did I not tell you so?"
"If such was his original conformation," said Toney, "we must suppose that it was afterwards observed that this appendage was of no use to him at all, and, indeed, would often be a serious incumbrance; for when in battle a hero was hard pressed and compelled to retreat, his enemy might seize him by the tail, and hold him fast until he had cut off his head."
"That is a fact," said Bragg. "So he might."
"And when in the progress of civilization the toilet became of importance in the estimation of mankind, the decoration of the tail would be exceedingly troublesome and expensive."
"I should think so," said Seddon. "I should think that it could hardly be managed even by the most experienced and scientific _tailors_."
"Tom Seddon," said Toney, "Dr. Johnson was of opinion that when a man attempted a pun in company he ought to be knocked down. But let me proceed in pointing out the obvious disadvantages of wearing tails. For instance, fashionable gentlemen, after having spent large sums of money in the elaborate adornment of their tails, might have them trodden upon as they walked the streets, and numerous assaults and batteries might thus be occasioned."