And I hope, on my returning to my humdrum normal life-- When we've scotched the KAISER's yearning after sanguinary strife-- Fortified by modern learning, to electrify my wife.
"VAN (sleeping), on iron wheels, to accommodate two men, not under 12ft. by 6ft."--_Glasgow Herald._
Such giants should certainly go in the van.
"This man has been medically examined ... with the result that he is believed to be feigning decease. The penalty attached to trial by C.M. on this charge has been explained to him, and he has elected to return to duty."
"In France the northern men were accorded high honours. Louis had a bodyguard of twenty-four Scotsmen, and this band continued in existence as a Royal guard to nine monarchs for one hundred and fifty years." _The War Illustrated._
What happened at this point of their interesting career we are not told--possibly they went into the Reserves.
I have been made a fool of by the Government. No, you needn't all hold up your hands at once. Mine Was different from yours. I have always looked upon myself as an efficient uncle, but now--well, one more incident of this kind and I shall be definitely _passé_.
The technique of being an uncle I mastered quite early. For instance, at stated seasons in the year I choose with some concentration two toys and two improving books. The toys I give to my nieces, Lillah and Phyllis; the books I send to a hospital. In the same spirit, when I take them for a treat and they over-eat themselves, I simply finance the operation and at the same time buy a large bottle of castor oil and send it anonymously to St. Bartholomew's. You see the idea? It is simply technique. I have explained this system to Margaret, their mother. But she is not one who sees reason very easily.
In spite of opposition, however, I continue to do my duty.
In this spirit I dashed into the nursery the other day and declared my afternoon and my finances at the service of Lillah and Phyllis. Margaret definitely forbade a cinema, from a curious notion that their patrons consisted exclusively of bacilli. So Lillah and Phyllis declared at once for CHARLIE CHAPLIN or nothing. This was only natural, so I bought two tickets for the latest exhibition of War cartoons and sent them to my Aunt Julia at Harpenden. Then I took the children to the Pictures.