_JOE HAINES_ is more remarkable for the witty, tho' wicked, Pranks he play'd, and for his Prologues and Epilogues, than for Acting.--He was, at first, a Dancer.--After he had made his Tour of _France_, he narrowly escaped being seiz'd, and sent to the _Bastile_, for personating an _English_ Peer, and running 3000 Livres in Debt in _Paris_; but, happily landing at Dover, he went to _London_, where in _Bartholomew-Fair_, he set up a Droll-Booth, and acted a new Droll, call'd, _The Whore of Babylon, the Devil, and the Pope_. This was in the first Year of King _James_ II. when _Joe_ was sent for, and roundly admonish'd, by Judge _Pollixfen_ for it. _Joe_ reply'd, _That he did it in Respect to his_ Holiness; _for, whereas many ignorant People believed the_ Pope _to be a_ Beast, _he shew'd him to be a fine, comely old Gentleman, as he was; not with Seven Heads, and Ten Horns, as the_ Scotch _Parsons describe him_. However, this Affair spoil'd _Joe's_ expiring Credit; for next Morning, a Couple of Bailiffs seiz'd him in an Action of 20_l._ as the Bishop of _Ely_ was passing by in his Coach.--Quoth _Joe_ to the Bailiffs,--_Gentlemen, here's my Cousin, the Bishop of_ Ely, _going into his House; let me but speak to him, and he'll pay the Debt and Charges_. The Bailiffs thought they might venture that, as they were within three or four Yards of him. So, up goes _Joe_ to the Coach, pulling off his Hat, and got close to it. The Bishop order'd the Coach to stop, whilst _Joe_ (close to his Ear) said softly, _My Lord, here are two poor Men, who have such great Scruples of Conscience, that, I fear, they'll hang themselves._--Very well, _said the Bishop_. So, calling to the Bailiffs, he said, _You two Men, come to me To-morrow Morning, and I'll satisfy you_. The Men bow'd, and went away. _Joe_ (hugging himself with his fallacious Device) went also his Way. In the Morning, the Bailiffs (expecting the Debt and Charges) repair'd to the Bishop's; where being introduced,--_Well_, said the Bishop, _what are your Scruples of Conscience?_--_Scruples!_ (said the Bailiffs) _we have no Scruples: We are Bailiffs, my Lord, who, Yesterday, arrested your Cousin_, Joe Haines, _for 20l. Your Lordship promised to satisfy us To-day, and we hope your Lordship will be as good as your Word._--The Bishop, reflecting that his Honour and Name would be expos'd, (if he complied not) paid the Debt and Charges.--There were two Parts of Plays (_Nol Bluff_ in the _Old Batchelor_, and _Roger_ in _Æsop_) which none ever touch'd but _Joe Haines_.--I own, I have copied him in _Roger_, as I did Mr. _Dogget_ in _Fondlewife_.--But, now, for another Story of him.