Jack: “That may be, but I can’t stand the mother of pearl.”
Corp—Can you think of anything more unmilitary than putting your hands in your pockets?
Sarg—Sure! Putting your hands in somebody else’s pockets.
Jack Tar: “How do you manage to get on so well with the French girls when you can’t speak their lingo?”
Soldier: “I’m surprised you’re so slow. Can’t you kiss a girl without a dictionary?”
A soldier at the front got short of money, so he sent home the following letter:
“Dear Mary—We lost a trench this morning, and we must replace it at any cost, so will you please send me $25 at once.”
Sad to say he had a wily wife, who sent the following reply:
“Dear Jim—Sorry, I have not $25 toward replacing the lost trench, but I enclose two candles to help you look for it.”
The colonel had ridden his horse to town in the afternoon, and it was dark when he returned to camp. Some distance outside the guard line he was challenged by a voice from the darkness:
“Dismount, colonel. Advance and be recognized.”
He was certain that there was some mistake, for no guard was supposed to be posted there. But a sentry’s orders are not to be disobeyed, so he grumblingly dismounted and led his horse forward, inwardly vowing vengeance against the sergeant of the guard who had caused him all this trouble.
As he approached the sentry he burst out wrathfully:
Doris: “Was your C. O. pleased, Algy, when you told him my idea for beating the Germans on the Western Front?”
Algy: “Pleased! I should jolly well think he was. Why, he laughed for hours!”
Two rookies were indulging in the soldier’s privilege—growling about his station and how the soldier gets stung for everything.
“I ordered a chicken dinner at a cafe downtown and they charged me a dollar and six bits,” Bone was saying.
A newsie overheard him. “Say, mister,” he said, “I know where you can get a chicken dinner for two bits. A good big one, too.”
The soldiers looked skeptical, but the newsie insisted that he was telling the truth. Finally the soldier who had been stung asked him where this place was located. The newsie mentioned an address on one of the side streets of San Antonio.
A few days later the two soldiers went to the city and determined to visit the cheap restaurant. They found the address. It was a feed store.