I looked haggard when I got up. I did not sleep an hour all night. While I was making a sorry attempt to eat some breakfast, and strengthening my determination never to speak to Edgar again, Woolet brought up a note, saying that Edgar told him to give it to me as soon as I was up.
I was like adamant and determined not to look at it. I should have sent it down to him immediately, but for the curiosity such a thing would have aroused among the servants.
"Mr. Braine said Madame would please forward all his mail that came to-day."
I was thunderstruck. _Forward_ his mail! I snatched up the note, all my determination gone.
It was but a few lines, saying that he took the 9:10 train for New York, on business, and would return on Friday--this is Tuesday.
I felt like a baby. I sent Susanne away, and burst out crying. It seemed to me that I _must_ see him, and soften the situation a little.
I could never have consented to this thing that he proposed, but it does not seem terrible enough to justify such severity--this morning.
It seems to me that I cannot endure the time until Friday--but when he returns I shall treat him with proper dignity, of course. It is my _duty_ to make him feel that I judge his conduct severely. And yet, I will be forgiving and affectionate--to an extent. Only to an extent. (This will be very hard for me.)
I felt so wretched that I thought a drive would do me good, so at two, I went out. I became so tired and disgusted with meeting people and bowing to them, that I turned around and came home. There is nothing that makes a miserable person feel more miserable than to see people happier than herself.
I felt as though I was ready to drop when I got up the steps, and who should be in the reception-room but this very bone of contention, awaiting my return. I felt like flying up the stairs and locking myself in my room, but instead of doing so childish a thing, I walked into the room with admirable dignity.
I intended to see that he made his call very short; but after a moment we got talking of the new minister and his funny little wife, and in the gossip I seemed quite to forget my wretchedness for a while, and we went into the library, where it is cosier, and sat down by the fire and had a delightful afternoon.