"I shall not say that the partiality I meet with here will make these abuses more remarked, than if another person, less known, were concerned. But surely the government puts me in a situation which ought to render me entirely useless to my Lord Hertford, by refusing me a character which should have appeared necessary, in order to gain me admittance into company.
"Allow me to inform you of another circumstance, which renders my prevailing on this point the most material step to my future fortune. When I came to London, and found, contrary to Lord Hertford's opinion, that Mr. Bunbury was likely to keep his appointments, I declined going abroad, unless something certain was fixed in my favour. My lord said, that he would obtain me, from the public, a settlement of £200 a-year for life, or would give me as much from his private fortune. He applied to the king, who agreed; to Mr. Grenville, who also consented, two days before we came off. My pension was fixed on the most precarious footing of all pensions, by a simple order from the treasury to their secretary. Yet Mr. Grenville told my lord, that this was equivalent to a settlement for life. My lord believes so still; though I said nothing, perhaps from a foolish delicacy, as the time of our departure so near approached, and it was difficult then to correct the blunder. Were I to return to England, on my present footing, I should regard this pension as absolutely insignificant--not worth two years' purchase; and never could form any plan on the supposition of its duration. But had I obtained the rank and character of secretary to the embassy, there are certain pensions annexed, by custom, to certain employments; and I believe I might more depend upon it.
"You see how materially my interests are concerned. I have wrote to others of my friends, Sir Harry, Oswald, and John Hume, in the same style, that an effort may be made, all at once, in my favour. I own that, notwithstanding all the plausible appearances, my hopes of success are but moderate. I have been accustomed to meet with nothing but insults and indignities from my native country; but if it continue so, 'ingrata patria, ne ossa quidem habebis.' I am, my dear sir, yours sincerely."[192:1]