The table was already covered with the velvet cloth in question which reached down to the ground; on it were lying skeins of silk, fringes and gold thread. As soon as Helene had taken her seat the ladies began an earnest discussion on the question whether they should embroider the flowers flame-colour, the stalks white, the leaves red, and at the top in gold a border of moss-roses.
"But would it look natural?" said the nun.
"Then what are we to do?" answered the "benefactress" in an agitated way. "Enlighten us, dear Sister; without you we are in darkness."
When the consultation was over, Sacha, who had waited impatiently, approached Helene, took her arm, and led her to the drawing-room.
"I have been to your church to-day," she said. "I have looked for you everywhere without seeing you."
"I generally stand on the right in a corner."
"Yes; one feels more comfortable out of observation."
"It is a pity; I was looking forward so much to meeting you again, and did not succeed."
"Ah well! As a devotee you are simply superb; one would say you had stepped out of the frame of a holy picture. And how they sing at your convent! You have a magnificent voice."
"My aunt in the first place. At school it seems that you already held every one under a spell."
"Not at all; she is only just. But tell me why do you not take part in the convent choirs?"
"I do not wish to," said Helene, and a shadow passed over her face.
"Pardon me," murmured Sacha, taking her hand. "I have perhaps vexed you; I am so foolish."
"Not at all," answered Helene. "It is not that. But you see, I ought not to sing. Doubtless, you do not understand me. Anna Petrovna declares in her kindness that I have overcome all sins, but it is not so. A nun ought to seek before all things to forget the world where she has lived. It ought not to attract her any more. No one knows anything of our struggles and our mental distresses. If I recommenced to sing, the past would rise again at once. Ah! I have experienced it already; one day I was singing a church chant in my room; all the past came up in my heart, and I nearly choked. That which I had fled from, that which I believed dead and buried, returned. You see a spiritual victory is not won so easily. Till one is 'dead to the world' one has many trials to pass through. It is only outsiders who imagine that peace reigns in a convent. If people could glance into our souls, they would see troubles and storms at the bottom of each. But these are only words! Come and see me, won't you?"