Smoke no strong shag, no rank "stinger," Pick your baccy, puff with skill, And--although you are a singer, You may smoke, and not feel ill.
Let us then be up and smoking, An an Art the thing pursue; As great SANTLEY, who's not joking, Says _he_ does, and all _may_ do!
DEAR MR. PUNCH,--You are as fickle as the rest of your sex, I fear, otherwise you would not have requited my devotion to you and your interests in such an awful manner as you did in publishing my husband's letter last week!--and _such_ a letter! Oh, I could write such a _scathing_ reply to it!
Of course, it was jealousy on the part of Sir CHARLES at my literary success--(setting aside the _wonderful_ tips)--which caused the explosion that led to his writing to you, but I never--never--thought you would insert his letter, especially as I slipped in a postscript which to my mind explained _everything_--as, indeed, postscripts _should_ do, or what is the good of writing a long letter about nothing in front of them? The wretch confesses that he laughed at my articles until he knew who wrote them, and then thought less of them! Isn't that like a husband?--I won't say like a _man_, as so few husbands _are_ men!--at least, in the eyes of their wives. The moment a wife does something her husband can't do, he dislikes and pooh-poohs it; whereas, the more accomplishments a husband displays, the more a wife appreciates him, or _says_ so even if she doesn't!--which is a noble falsehood, for how few women are large-minded enough to pretend to admire qualities which they despise because they don't possess them--I'm not sure that this is what I mean, nor do I quite understand it, but it reads well, which is more than Sir CHARLES'S stuff does!
And then his impertinence in proposing to "edit" my letters!--as if anyone could be more capable of doing that than _you_?--(you will observe that it is solely on _your_ account that I am annoyed!)--I could not brook such interference!--I don't know exactly the meaning of "brooking" anything, but I know I wept enough tears of annoyance to form a decent "brook" of themselves! I need hardly tell you that it was a biting sarcasm on my part to suggest that he should finish his letter with a "verse," as I always do--but there--men don't understand sarcasm--(one of _our_ most frequently employed weapons of offence!)--and the poor thing thought I was in earnest, and did it! And _what_ a verse! I could write better with my left hand!