"Hitler Has Only Got One Ball", sometimes known as "The River Kwai March", is a World War II British song, the lyrics of which, sung to the tune of the World War I-era "Colonel Bogey March", impugn the masculinity of Nazi leaders by alleging they had missing, deformed, or undersized testicles. Multiple variant lyrics exist, but the most common version refers to rumours that Adolf Hitler had monorchism ("one ball"), and accuses Hermann Göring and Heinrich Himmler of microorchidism ("two but very small") and Joseph Goebbels of anorchia ("no balls at all"). An alternative version suggests Hitler's missing testicle is displayed as a war trophy in the Royal Albert Hall.
The author of the lyrics is unknown, though several claims have been made. The song first appeared among British soldiers in 1939 and was quickly taken up by Allied military and civilians. Its familiarity increased after its use in a scene in the 1957 film The Bridge on the River Kwai. The song has been cited as an example of morally-correct disrespect that used political mockery to boost morale in wartime.
Lyrics
The best known stanza consists of the following quatrain:
The opening line is a reference to widespread rumours that Adolf Hitler suffered from monorchism ("one ball" meaning one testicle). The second and third lines similarly attack Luftwaffe chief Hermann Göring and SS chief Heinrich Himmler by suggesting they suffered from microorchidism ("very small" testicles). In the fourth line, Nazi propaganda minister Joseph Goebbels's name is often mispronounced "go-balls" so that it rhymes with the accusation of anorchia ("no balls" meaning no testicles).
Analysis
The lyrics attack Nazi leaders' masculinity by mocking and belittling their alleged testicular deformities. University of Kent psychology professor Janet Sayers wrote that the song was a response by the Allies to the use of "male fantasy" in Nazi propaganda. According to Brian O. Murdoch, a philologist with the University of Stirling, a notable aspect of the lyrics is that they attack enemy leaders, but not the enemy in general. Folklorist Greg Kelley of the University of Guelph-Humber wrote:
According to Kelley, in claiming that Hitler had only one testicle, the opening line suggests that Hitler had less than the normal amount of sexual prowess and, symbolically, courage. Mad studies scholar Richard A. Ingram wrote that the accusation of monorchidism in the song alluded to the theory that monorchidism caused Hitler to be insane, in the same way that lone nut' retains the idea of a causal relationship between monotesticularity and madness." Jason Lee of De Montfort University wrote, "Just as Shakespeare used a disability based on some fact to construct Richard III's character, in the case of Hitler disability is equated with not just moral weakness but evil." University of Stirling philosophy professor Rowan Cruft describes the song as an example of morally-appropriate disrespect, writing "Hitler's actions made it morally correct to show him disrespect" by singing the song.
All known versions of the original verse end with "no balls at all". According to Kelley, "in this musical catalogue of testicular disorders, the definitive last entry is always anorchismthe physical signifier of a lack of courage or character."
Southern Illinois University Edwardsville philosophy professor Greg Littmann writes that the song is an example of political mockery used to build a "fighting spirit". Maria Curie-Skłodowska University lecturer Joanna Jabłońska-Hood describes the song as using comedy to attack the masculinity of Nazi leaders, turning them from symbols of strength to objects of pity. According to Jabłońska-Hood, the apparent contradiction of high-ranking Nazi leaders being pitied mirrors the juxtaposition of the cheerful, upbeat tune of Colonel Bogey March with the "grim subject" of the lyrics. University of Nottingham music professor Mervyn Cooke describes the tune as "reflect[ing] the moods of humour in adversity and pride in the resilience of the underdog".
Other versions
Additional British verses ran:
In addition to the common reference to Hitler's rumoured monorchidism, these versions suggest he was abused by his mother, and that Hitler's severed testicle ultimately became a war trophy on public display in the Royal Albert Hall. Variations of the "Albert Hall" lyrics were still sung by schoolchildren in the London neighbourhoods of Finsbury in 1983 and Kensington in 1984. Regional variations found in other areas of the United Kingdom use (for example) Ulster Hall (Northern Ireland), Kelvin Hall (Glasgow), Free Trade Hall (Manchester), and Leeds Town Hall (Leeds).