Wal, one day I was choppin' nigh to our cabin door,-- A day that I'll remember till kingdom come and more,-- And Curly-head was playin' around among the chips; A beauty, if I do say it, with rosy cheeks and lips.
I don't know how it happened; but quicker'n I can tell, Our Curly-head had stumbled, and lay thar whar he fell On the log that I was choppin', with his yellow curls outspread; And the heavy axe was fallin' right on his precious head;
The next thing, I knew nothin', and all was dark around. When I come to, I was lyin' stretched out thar on the ground; And Curly-head was callin', "O daddy, don't do so!" I caught him to my bosom, my own dear little Joe.
All safe, sir. Not a sliver had touched his little head; But one of his curls was lyin' thar on the log outspread. It lay whar the axe was stickin', cut close by its sharpened edge; And what then was my feelin's, per'aps, sir, you can jedge.
I took the little ringlet, and pressed it to my lips; Then I kneeled down and prayed, sir, right thar on the chips. We put it in the Bible, whar I often read to Joe,-- "The hairs of your head are numbered;" and, sir, I believe it's so.
"John," said Mrs. Sanscript to her husband one evening last week, "I've been reading the paper."--"That's nothin'," grunted John: "I've seen people before who read newspapers."--"Yes; but there are several things in the paper I can't understand."--"Then don't read 'em."--"What do they mean by the strike, John? What is a strike, anyhow?"--"A strike is where they have struck;" and Sanscript knocked the ashes from his cigar. "I don't grasp your meaning exactly," said Mrs. Sanscript, with a puzzled look. "Now, these strikers have stopped all the railroad-trains in the country. Why did they do it?"--"To prevent 'em from running."--"Yes, but why didn't they want trains to run?"--"Because they wanted more money for running them."--"Do they pay more for stopping trains than for running them?"--"No, you stupid woman!"--"Then why in the world did they stop 'em? why didn't they run more of 'em, or run 'em faster? Seems to me that would pay better."--"Mary Ann, you will never surround the problem."--"Maybe not, John. Some things are gotten up purposely to bother women. Now here is a column headed 'Base-Ball.' What is base-ball, John?"--"Don't you know what base-ball is? Happy woman! you have not lived in vain."--"Here it says that 'The Hartfords could not collar Cumming's curves.' What under the sun are Cumming's curves?"--"It's the way he delivers the ball."--"Is the ball chained?"--"No, you booby!"--"Then how does he deliver it?"--"I mean, pitches it."--"Oh! Now here it says Jones muffed a ball after a hard run. What was a ball doing after a hard run?"--"Hadn't you better confine your research to the obituary and marriage columns, Mary, with an occasional advertisement thrown in to vary the monotony?"--"Yes, but, John, I want to know! There's Mrs. Racket, over the way, who goes to all the base-ball games, and comes home to talk me blind about 'fly fouls,' 'base hits,' 'sky-scrapers,' and all those things. For heaven's sake, John, what is a sky-scraper?"--"Compose yourself, old woman. You are treading on dangerous ground; your feet are on slippery rocks, while raging billows roll beneath."--"Mercy on me! What do you mean?"--"I mean, my dear madam, that whenever a woman begins to pry about among three strikes, fair balls, base hits, daisy cutters, home runs, and kindred subjects, she's in danger of being lost."--"Well, I confess I'm completely lost to know what this newspaper means when it says Addy stole a base, while the spectators applauded. Have we come to such a pass that society will applaud a theft? Why wasn't Addy arrested? Now here's Manning put out by Start, assisted by Carey, and I can't see that he did any thing wrong, either. Jemima Christopher! Here it says that Pike flew out. I don't believe a word of it. I never saw a man fly yet, and I won't believe it can be done till I see it with my own eyes. John, what makes these newspaper men lie so horribly?"