The same, it goes without saying, applies to women in love with a married man. Many men, in fact, prefer to have extramatrimonial affairs with married women and many women with married men. They no longer fear the husband or wife whom they have defeated in the struggle for his or her mate's favor. They consider him or her as a watchful guardian of their mistress's or their lover's sexual life, less formidable than an unknown man or woman might be, who had not been defeated yet.
The suttee custom in India, the various wills left by Western men or women, providing that the surviving spouse shall be disinherited if he or she marries again, shows that jealousy has little to do with love, sexual or affectionate. That posthumous jealousy is a distinct attempt at controlling one's "property" after one's death, whether the property be a woman or a certain sum of money.
=Cruelty.= Adler has pointed out the cruel character of jealousy and the constant attempts made by jealous neurotics to disparage and belittle their love object.
"The neurotic suffering from jealousy is insatiable in his search for ways to test his mate. This indicates his lack of self confidence, his lack of self esteem and his uncertainty. His jealous efforts are calculated to bring him more into notice, to attract more attention to himself and thus to increase his self-esteem. He revives upon every possible occasion the old feeling of being neglected and disregarded, and assumes anew the childish attitude of wishing to have everything, to obtain a proof of superiority upon his mate.
"A glance, a word spoken in company, an acknowledgment of a favor, a show of interest for a painting, for an author, for a relative, even a protective attitude toward servants, may be taken as the cause of the operation. In certain cases the impression is distinctly given that the jealous individual cannot rest because he has no confidence in peaceful happiness or account of his misfortune. Then a neurosis develops in which an effort is made to subdue the life mate by a system of attacks, to arouse his or her sympathy; or perhaps the attack is intended as a punishment. Headaches, weeping fits, weakness, paralysis,[1] attacks of anxiety and depression, silence, etc., have the same value as alcoholism, perversion or lewdness. The line of distrust and doubt, often about the legitimacy of the children, becomes more pronounced, outbreaks of wrath and scolding, mistrust of the entire opposite sex, are regular phenomena and reveal the other side of jealousy as a preparation for the disparagement of the life mate.