[68] The fattest kyloe stot ever killed in the county.
[69] A Confectioner in that town, a man of considerable humour and fun.
Northumberland lads are handsome squads, And female affiance must share; If you wish to wed, betroth to bed, One cull’d with caution and care.
I here make free--give ear to me, The county I’ve scan’d around; So from the mass select a lass, Where virtue and beauties abound.
The lasses of TWEED are deft indeed, Their garlands give such grace: The lasses of TILL are sprightly still, In figure, in fashion, and face.
The lasses of BREMISH look rather squeamish, Embellish’d with elegant ease; The lasses of ALE, for plumage prevail, Their pomp and appendages please.
The lasses of ALWIN obey fashion’s call, when A princess prescribes a new dress; The lasses of REED, each hair-braids her head, And apes alamode to excess.
The lasses of WENSBECK, like dignify’d dames deck, And their address quite debonair; The lasses of FOUNT, though pronounc’d paramount, Can scarce with these comits compare.
The lasses of PONT, to decorate don’t Soar yet in the sphere of extremes; The lasses of ERRING, on fashions conferring, The decent most dext’rous deem.
The lasses of TYNE, who peerlessly shine, Are mirrors of modesty too: The lasses of COQUET put all in their pocket, Go all to Coquet and woo!
So take my advice, tour there in a trice, These provident paragons view; So splendid and pretty, so worthy, and witty, You’ll never have reason to rue.
A farmer near Felton, fam’d for vulgar fractions, Both testy and stubborn in all his transactions; With fraud and with falsehoods to litigate labours, A plague to the public, and pest to his neighbours.
His BULL, this base brigand kept bound by the nose, In a creek, on the confines of Coquet, that those Cows which came across (thus decoy’d) to his corn, The coin of their owners by craft to suborn.
He marry’d a maid with much money, as stated, Both handsome, and harmless, yet heartily hated; Hence hootings, and hissings, and banters beset her, Because he his handmaid had long lov’d far better.
One sunday at dinner he saw of a sudden, A human head hair peeping out of the pudding: Though his minx mix’d the mass, made his spouse pluck it out, And likewise submit to a buffetting bout.