"They must have been to the Zoo," said Mrs. A., "because I heard her mention 'a trained deer.'"
"Goodness me!" laughed Mrs. B. "What queer hearing you must have! They were talking about going away, and she said, 'Find out about the train, dear.'"
"Well did anybody ever?" exclaimed Mrs. C. "I am sure they were talking about musicians, for she said 'a trained ear,' as distinctly as could be."
The discussion began to warm up, and in the midst of it the lady herself appeared. They carried their case to her promptly, and asked for a settlement.
"Well, well, you do beat all!" she exclaimed, after hearing each one. "I'd been out to the country overnight, and was asking my husband if it rained here last night."
After which the three disputants retired, abashed and in silence.--_W.J. Lampton_.
"Tom," said an Indiana youngster who was digging in the yard, "don't you make that hole any deeper, or you'll come to gas."
"Yes, 't will too. If it spouts out, we'll be blown clear up to heaven."
"Shucks, that would be fun! You an' me would be the only live ones up there."--_I.C. Curtis_.
HE (wondering if his rival has been accepted)--"Are both your rings heirlooms?"
SHE (concealing the hand)--"Oh, dear, yes. One has been in the family since the time of Alfred, but the other is newer"--(blushing)--"it only dates from the conquest."
"My grandfather was a captain of industry."
"He left no sword, but we still treasure the stubs of his check-books."
"Something which descends from father to son."
William had just returned from college, resplendent in peg-top trousers, silk hosiery, a fancy waistcoat, and a necktie that spoke for itself. He entered the library where his father was reading. The old gentleman looked up and surveyed his son. The longer he looked, the more disgusted he became.
"Son," he finally blurted out, "you look like a d--- fool!"
Later, the old Major who lived next door came in and greeted the boy heartily. "William," he said with undisguised admiration, "you look exactly like your father did twenty-five years ago when he came back from school!"
"Yes," replied William, with a smile, "so Father was just telling me."
"There seems to be a strange affinity between a darky and a chicken. I wonder why?" said Jones.