The attendant shouted, “Adam!” And in walked a nude man whose name it was, and who happened to be the first on the list.
The black sheep of the regiment stood before his commanding officer charged with being drunk. He stoutly denied the offense, and there was only one witness, a sergeant, to prove it. However, the records showed eleven previous convictions for the same offense.
“You are a hardened and habitual offender,” said the captain, sternly. “I can’t take your denial against the sergeant’s word.”
The prisoner turned to the sergeant-witness, and asked, “Have you ever been drunk?”
On receiving an emphatic negative, he turned to the captain again.
“Sergeant says I was drunk; I says I wasn’t. I ask yer, captain, which is likely to be right—him what’s ’ad no experience of what being drunk is, or an ’ardened and ’abitual like me?”
Modesty is an engaging quality in a young man, and the British War Office is said to have appreciated the letter of a youth with no military experience whatever who, in applying for a commission, stated that he would be quite willing to start as a lieutenant.
“I hear, Tommy, you saved a life in the war.”
When the Germans entered Belgium a native of Liége made himself obnoxious to one troop by his constant loud talk about the brave defense. Finally the commander summoned him.
“Now, you’ve boasted about enough,” he said. “We can’t listen to you any longer. I’m going to give you your choice: you will be shot, or you will swear allegiance to the German Emperor.”
Considerably subdued, the offender pondered. “Well,” he decided, “I don’t want to die, so I guess I’ll swear allegiance.”
“All right,” said the commander, “now you are one of us. You can come and go as you like.”
The man walked towards the door and was passing out, when suddenly he turned. “Say,” he exclaimed, “didn’t those Belgians give us an awful fight!”
Loquacious Visitor—“So you were wounded at the front, my good man?”
Irishman—“No, begorry. I was wounded in the rear av me.”
Medical Officer—“Sorry; I must reject you on account of your teeth.”
Would-be Recruit—“Man, ye’re making a gran’ mistake. I’m no wanting to bite the Germans; I’m wanting to shoot ’em.”
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