Polyandry—Marriage ceremonies—Jealousy—Divorce—Identification of children—Courtship—Illegitimacy—Adultery.
THAT the Tibetans legally recognise polyandry and polygamy is well known. Very little, however, has hitherto transpired as to the actual form of these marital customs, so that the details which follow, startling as they may seem when regarded from a Western standpoint, will be found not without interest.
First of all, I may say that there is not such a thing known in Tibet as
a standard of morality amongst unmarried women of the middle classes; and, therefore, from a Tibetan point of view, it is not easy to find an immoral woman. Notwithstanding this apparently irregular state of affairs, the women's behaviour is better than might be expected. Like the Shoka girls, they possess a wonderful frankness and simplicity of manner, with a certain reserve which has its allurements; for the Tibetan swain, often a young man, being attracted by the charms of a damsel, finds that his flirtation with her has become an accepted engagement almost before it has begun, and is compelled, in accordance with custom, to go, accompanied by his father and mother, to the tent of the lady of his heart. There he is received by her relations, who have been previously notified of the intended call, and are found seated on rugs and mats awaiting the arrival of their guests.
After the usual courtesies and salutations, the young man's father asks, on behalf of his son, for the young lady's hand; and, if the answer is favourable, the suitor places a square lump of yak murr (yak butter) on his betrothed's forehead. She does the same for him, and the marriage ceremony is then considered over, the buttered couple being man and wife.
If there is a temple close by, Katas, food and money are laid before
the images of Buddha and saints, and the parties walk round the inside of
the temple. Should there be no temple at hand, the husband and wife make
the circuit of the nearest hill, or, in default of anything else, the
tent itself, always moving from left to right. This ceremony is repeated
with prayers and sacrifices every day for a fortnight, during which time
libations of wine and general feasting continue, and at the expiration of
which the husband conveys his better half to his tent.
The law of Tibet, though hardly ever obeyed, has strict clauses
regulating the conduct of married men in their marital relations. So long
as the sun is above the horizon, no intercourse is permitted; and certain
periods and seasons of the year, such as the height of summer and the
depth of winter, are also proscribed.
A Tibetan girl on marrying does not enter into a nuptial tie with an
individual but with all his family, in the following somewhat complicated
manner. If an eldest son marries an eldest sister, all the sisters of the
bride become his wives. Should he, however, begin by marrying the second
sister, then only the sisters from the second down will be his property. If the third, all from the third, and so on. At the same time, when the bridegroom has brothers, they are all regarded as their brother's wife's husbands, and they one and all cohabit with her, as well as with her sisters if she has any.
The system is not simple, and certainly not very edifying, and were it
not for the odd savoir faire of the Tibetan woman, it would lead to
endless jealousies and unpleasantness: owing, however, largely, no doubt, to the absolute lack of honour or decency in Tibetan males and females, the arrangement seems to work as satisfactorily as any other kind of marriage.
I asked what would happen in the case of a man marrying a second sister, and so acquiring marital rights over all her younger sisters, if another man came and married her eldest sister. Would all the brides of the first man become the brides of the second? No, they would not; and the second man would have to be satisfied with only one wife. However, if the second sister were left a widow, and her husband had no brothers, then she would become the property of her eldest sister's husband, and with her all the other sisters.