More soothing words, but more shells, and the upset nerves still on edge. An hour passed, punctuated by many kindly encouragements, but the new soldier’s fear had not abated.
The patience of the other was at last exhausted.
“Why do you shiver and shake like that, you vain young fool?” said he. “You don’t suppose the Germans are firing all these expensive shells at you, do you? You are not a cathedral or a work of art!”
A lot of old-timers of the Army and Navy Club in Piccadilly were swapping stories.
“One Sam Haskins,” says a retired brigadier-general, “decided to enlist. He burned with a desire to serve his country. So he applied at a recruiting office, and was duly punched and prodded, trotted up and down, jumped over chairs and tables, and so forth.
“Then came the questions. All manner of them were fired at him, and he answered most of them satisfactorily. Then came the stern inquiry:
“‘Have you ever served a term of imprisonment?’
“‘No, sir,’ stammered Sam; ‘but,’ he added, hastily, ‘I’d be willing to serve a short one, if it’s necessary.’”
Wife—“The heavy explosions of a battle always cause rain. It rained after Waterloo. It rained after Fontenoy. It rained after Marathon.”
Husband—“But Marathon was fought with spears and arrows, my dear.”
Wife—“There you go again! Always throwing cold water on everything I have to say.”
Still another recruiting story. A new cavalry trooper was being initiated into the mysteries of riding when his horse bolted. “Where the deuce are you going?” thundered the instructor. The reply came back in gasps: “Don’t know—but the ’orse’s ’ome is at ’Ammersmith.”
“Of course, doctor, German measles are seldom serious?”
“Yes; it was a Frenchman, and when he discovered it was German measles that he had, mortification set in.”
When the young officer, ordered to the Front, called on his tailor to get a fresh outfit, the tailor could not forget that there was already an old and unsettled account.
But he felt nervous about broaching the subject.
“I see the Germans,” said the young officer, casually, “have had a check.”
“Lucky Germans!” said the tailor, wistfully.
The young man looked puzzled for a moment, and then took the gentle hint. Next day the bill was settled.