"Now," he cried, "The D again--all together! Pia--no!"
Kaya stole across the stage swiftly on tiptoe, threading her way through the scenery that was standing in rows, one behind the other, in readiness for the performance that night, and disappeared into the wings. It was dusty there and deserted. An occasional stage-hand hurried by in the distance bent on some errand, and from the back came the sound of hammering. The chorus was singing forte now, and the sound filled the uttermost corner, drowning the noise of the hammer. Kaya stood still for a moment, clinching her hands: "My God," she said, "I have tried the last and it has failed! The end of the week!" she laughed to herself bitterly. "I know what that means. Helmanoff used to get rid of new pupils that way: 'You will hear,' he would say; but they never heard."
She took a coin out of her dress and looked at it. "The gypsies' wages are gone," she said, "Only this left to pay for my roof and my bed!" She laughed again and glanced about her stealthily as if fearful of being seen, or tracked. Then she began to breathe quickly:
"_Without weakness_," she said, "_without hesitation, or mercy, by mine own hands if needs be_. I have done it to another: I will do it again--to myself. Atone, atone--wipe out the stain! A life for a life! That is right." She swayed and caught one of the scenes for support. "That is--just! God, how my throat burns, and my head, it is dizzy--and my eyes have gone blind! Ah, it is passing--passing! Now I can see. I can--walk!"
She clung to the scenery for another second, and then pushed it away and moved to the door, staggering a little like one who is drugged.
It was evening. The rain had ceased, and the moon rose full and pale with a halo about it. In the distance clouds were gathering, and the waters under the mill were speckled with light.
Kaya sat by the window, leaning on the sill with her arms and gazing down at the wheel: "It is deep there," she said, "A moment of falling through the air--a splash, and it will be over. I am not--afraid."
She shuddered a little, and her eyes were fixed on the flashes of silver as if fascinated. She could not tear them away. "How black it is under the wheel!" she murmured, "If I fell on the spokes--" Then she shuddered again.