“‘Put the joints opposite the women,’ says the landlord to the waiter taking in the dinner; ‘they’re slow carvers.’
“Meanwhile, passengers are busy, taking off coats, one, two and three in succession (those were the days of _bonâ-fide_ ‘great-coats,’ nowadays become lessened, and merely overcoats). Chins appear out of their many wrappages of silk, and fur caps are bundled into pockets. Inside passengers eye outsiders with suspicion, while a deaf gentleman who has left his trumpet in the coach meets an acquaintance whom he has not seen for seven years, and in consequence of not having that instrument with him can only shake hands and grimace in return to the speaker’s greetings:
“‘You find it very warm inside, I should think, sir, don’t you?’ says the acquaintance.
“‘Thank ye, my good friend; I am rather deaf, but I suppose you are inquiring after my wife and daughters: they are quite well, thank you.’
“‘Where will you sit at dinner?’ rejoins the acquaintance.
“‘It is two years since I was there,’ replies he.
“‘Oh! John: he is still in Jamaica with his regiment.’...
“‘Come, waiter, d--n it all, why was not the dinner on the table when we arrived?’ demands a superfine inside passenger. ‘This is always the way with your confounded coach-dinners. And what have you got under there,--goose, eh?’
“‘Great heavens! pork again! the country is deluged with pork: who the devil do you think can dine off pork?’
“‘A couple of ducks coming, sir,’ says the waiter.
“‘Confound your ducks! What with your pork and ducks, you’ll make the whole inside of the coach reek with onions and vulgarity.’
“‘There’s a cold collation on the side-table, sir, if you prefer cold meat.’
“‘Hang your cold collation! have you got any real Devonshire cider in the house?’
“‘Then bring me a bottle, and a toothpick.’
“‘Now, look here, waiter,’ says one of the diners, ‘there are the horses out already, and we have not half done yet: blow me if I go before the half-hour’s up.’
“‘Take any cheese, sir?’ asks the waiter.
“‘No, to be sure, not yet; have you no tarts?’
“‘Why, none, I am afraid, that we can recommend, sir; but there’s some very nice cold plum-pudding you can have.’
“Enter coachman: ‘I leaves you here, if you please, sir.’