"But, surely," said Belinda, "safety must be your first object!"
"No, secrecy is my first object. Nay, do not reason with me; it is a subject on which I cannot, will not, reason. Hear me--I will keep Helena with me for a few days; she was surprised by what passed in the library this evening--I must remove all suspicion from her mind."
"There is no suspicion in her mind," said Belinda.
"So much the better: she shall go immediately to school, or to Oakly-park. I will then stand my trial for life or death; and if I live I will be, what I have never yet been, a mother to Helena. If I die, you and Clarence Hervey will take care of her; I know you will. That young man is worthy of you, Belinda. If I die, I charge you to tell him that I knew his value; that I had a soul capable of being touched by the eloquence of virtue." Lady Delacour, after a pause, said, in an altered tone, "Do you think, Belinda, that I shall survive this operation?"
"The opinion of Dr. X----," said Belinda, "must certainly be more satisfactory than mine;" and she repeated what the doctor had left with her in writing upon this subject. "You see," said Belinda, "that Dr. X----is by no means certain that you have the complaint which you dread."
"I am certain of it," said Lady Delacour, with a deep sigh. Then, after a pause, she resumed: "So it is the doctor's opinion, that I shall inevitably destroy myself if, from a vain hope of secrecy, I put myself into ignorant hands? These are his own words, are they? Very strong; and he is prudent to leave that opinion in writing. Now, whatever happens, he cannot be answerable for 'measures which he does not guide:' nor you either, my dear; you have done all that is prudent and proper. But I must beg you to recollect, that I am neither a child nor a fool; that I am come to years of discretion, and that I am not now in the delirium of a fever; consequently, there can be no pretence for _managing_ me. In this particular I must insist upon managing myself. I have confidence in the skill of the person whom I shall employ: Dr. X----, very likely, would have none, because the man may not have a diploma for killing or curing in form. That is nothing to the purpose. It is I that am to undergo the operation: it is _my_ health, _my_ life, that is risked; and if I am satisfied, that is enough. Secrecy, as I told you before, is my first object."