"I am not whistling, sir," replied the boy, "I'm paging Mrs. Jones' dog."
A tall, gaunt-looking person recently entered a hotel in a town where several fires had occurred and applied for a room at a price which entitled him to lodging on the top floor of the house. Among his belongings the proprietor noticed a coil of rope, and asked what it was for.
"That's a fire escape," said the man, "I carry one with me so I can let myself down from the window without troubling anyone."
"Good plan," said the landlord, "but guests with fire escapes like that pay in advance at this hotel."
DEPARTING GUEST--"Enjoyed ourselves? Oh yes! What I'm upset about is leaving your hotel so soon after I've bought it."
A commercial traveler, on leaving a certain hotel, said to the proprietor: "Pardon me, but with what material do you stuff the beds in your establishment?"
"Why," said the landlord, proudly, "with the best straw to be found in the whole country!"
"That," returned the traveler, "is very interesting. I now know whence the straw came that broke the camel's back."
ARCHITECT (enthusiastically showing plans of hotel)--"On the first floor, next to the dining-room, is the ladies' smoking-room; over here is the men's writing-room; here is the blue lecture-room where the suffrage meetings are to be held; next to it is the pink tea-room. Directly over it, on the second floor, is the music-room, where the Tuesday recitals will be given; behind it is the little theater for the Saturday tableaux. The ballroom is on the third floor, and on the fourth--"
HOTEL PROPRIETOR (interrupting)--"That's all very nice. But where are the guests' rooms?"
ARCHITECT--"Bless my soul! I forgot all about them!"
"John, dear," wrote a lady from the Capital, "I enclose the hotel bill."
"Dear Jane, I enclose a check," wrote John in reply; "but please don't buy any more hotels at this price--they are robbing you!"
A traveler who alighted from the train in a small Southern town was greeted by a colored porter, who shouted at him, "Palace hotel, boss!" and grabbed the traveler's baggage, and the latter said, "Wait a minute, Rastus. Is this hotel American or European?" and Rastus replied, "I dunno, boss, but I thinks they'se Irish."