_Tramp_ (_hungrily_). "What, all the lot, mister! Well, he shouldn't ave done that if _I_ could 'ave 'elped it!"]
[Illustration: SHAKSPEARIAN MOTTO FOR AUGUST 12
"Now will I hence to seek my lovely moor!"
I shot a partridge in the air, It fell in turnips, "Don" knew where; For just as it dropped, with my right I stopped another in its flight.
I killed a pheasant in the copse, It fell amongst the fir-tree tops; For though a pheasant's flight is strong, A cock, hard hit, cannot fly long.
Soon, soon afterwards, in a pie, I found the birds in jelly lie; And the pheasant, at a fortnight's end, I found again in the _carte_ of a friend.
Well, I'm blest! I'm pretty nearly Speechless, as I watch that bird, Saving that I mutter merely One concise, emphatic word-- What that is may be inferred!
English prose is, to my sorrow, Insufficient for the task. Would that I could freely borrow Expletives from Welsh or Basque-- One or two is all I ask!
Failing that, let so-called verses Serve to mitigate my grief Doggerel now and then disperses Agonies that need relief. (Missing birds of these is chief!)
Blankly tramping o'er the stubbles Is a bore, to put it mild; But, in short, to crown my troubles, _One_ mishap has made me riled, Driv'n me, like the coveys, wild.
For at last I flush a partridge, Ten yards rise, an easy pot! Click. Why, bless me, where's the cartridge? Hang it! there, I clean forgot Putting _them_ in ere I shot!
[Illustration: "TURN ABOUT."--_George._ "I say, Tom, do take care! You nearly shot my father then!"
_Tom._ "Sh! Don't say anything, there's a good fellow! Take a shot at mine!!"]
(_To the Tune of the "Temptation of St. Anthony"_)
There are many fools that worry this world, Fools old, and fools who're young; Fools with fortunes, and fools without, Fools who dogmatise, fools who doubt, Fools who snigger, and fools who shout, Fools who never know what they're about, And fools all cheek and tongue; Fools who're gentlemen, fools who're cads, Fools who're greybeards, and fools who're lads; Fools with manias, fools with fads, Fools with cameras, fools with tracts, Fools who deny the stubbornest facts, Fools in theories, fools in acts; Fools who write Theosophist books, Fools who believe in Mahatmas and spooks; Fools who prophesy--races and Tophets-- Bigger fools who believe in prophets; Fools who quarrel, and fools who quack; In fact, there are all sorts of fools in the pack, Fools fat, thin, short, and tall; But of all sorts of fools, the fool with a gun (Who points it at someone--of course, "in fun"-- And fools around till chance murder is done) Is the worsest fool of them all!