POLITENESS.
1. BEAUTIFUL BEHAVIOR.—Politeness has been described as the art of
showing, by external signs, the internal regard we have for others. But one may be perfectly polite to another without necessarily paying a special regard for him. Good manners are neither more nor less than beautiful behavior. It has been well said that "a beautiful form is better than a beautiful face, and a beautiful behavior is better than a beautiful form; it gives a higher pleasure than statues or pictures—it is the finest of the fine arts."
2. TRUE POLITENESS.—The truest politeness comes of sincerity. It must
be the outcome of the heart, or it will make no lasting impression; for no amount of polish can dispense with truthfulness. The natural character must be allowed to appear, freed of its angularities and asperities. Though politeness, in its best form, should resemble water—"best when clearest, most simple, and without taste"—yet genius in a man will always cover many defects of manner, and much will be excused to the strong and the original. Without genuineness and individuality, human life would lose much of its interest and variety, as well as its manliness and robustness of character.
3. PERSONALITY OF OTHERS.—True politeness especially exhibits itself
in regard for the personality of others. A man will respect the
individuality of another if he wishes to be respected himself. He will
have due regard for his views and opinions, even though they differ
from his own. The well-mannered man pays a compliment to another, and
sometimes even secures his respect by patiently listening to him. He
is simply tolerant and forbearant, and refrains from judging harshly; and harsh judgments of others will almost invariably provoke harsh judgments of ourselves.
4. THE IMPOLITE.—The impolite, impulsive man will, however, sometimes
rather lose his friend than his joke. He may surely be pronounced
a very foolish person who secures another's hatred at the price
of a moment's gratification. It was a saying of Burnel, the
engineer—himself one of the kindest-natured of men—that "spite and
ill-nature are among the most expensive luxuries in life." Dr. Johnson
once said: "Sir, a man has no more right to say a rude thing to
another than to knock him down."
5. FEELINGS OF OTHERS.—Want of respect for the feelings of others
usually originates in selfishness, and issues in hardness and
repulsiveness of manner. It may not proceed from malignity so much, as
from want of sympathy, and want of delicacy—a want of that perception
of, and attention to, those little and apparently trifling things, by
which pleasure is given or pain occasioned to others. Indeed, it may
be said that in self-sacrifice in the ordinary intercourse of life, mainly consists the difference between being well and ill bred. Without some degree of self-restraint in society a man may be found almost insufferable. No one has pleasure in holding intercourse with such a person, and he is a constant source of annoyance to those about him.
6. DISREGARD OF OTHERS.—Men may show their disregard to others in
various impolite ways, as, for instance, by neglect of propriety in
dress, by the absence of cleanliness, or by indulging in repulsive
habits. The slovenly, dirty person, by rendering himself physically
disagreeable, sets the tastes and feelings of others at defiance, and
is rude and uncivil, only under another form.
7. THE BEST SCHOOL OF POLITENESS.—The first and best school of
politeness, as of character, is always the home, where woman is the
teacher. The manners of society at large are but the reflex of the
manners of our collective homes, neither better nor worse. Yet, with
all the disadvantages of ungenial homes, men may practice self-culture
of manner as of intellect, and learn by good examples to cultivate a
graceful and agreeable behavior towards others. Most men are like so
many gems in the rough, which need polishing by contact with other and
better natures, to bring out their full beauty and lustre. Some have
but one side polished, sufficient only to show the delicate graining
of the interior; but to bring out the full qualities of the gem, needs
the discipline of experience, and contact with the best examples of
character in the intercourse of daily life.