Never drink too much wine. True, there are a variety of opinions as to how much is too much; but be prudent, be resolved, never make an exhibition of yourself, at least _try_ to knock off before being paralyzed, and be happy.
Never, however, yield to the jocular propensities of your brother guests. Should they prop you in a corner of the room, with your hair drawn over your eyes and a lamplighter in your mouth for a cigar, and then jocosely vociferate “Speech! speech!” heroically reach for the nearest bottle, back with your head, and guzzle away. A philosopher, a real gentleman, will never be laughed down, sneered under, or rubbed out.
Never, if called on for a speech in a complimentary way, however, make a rostrum of the table at which you have dined. Rather essay your own chair, the window-sill, or even the mantel-piece.
Never fail in courtesy, even when grossly intoxicated. Apologize, even if you have slumbered on your neighbor’s shoulder, and murmur your excuses even while disappearing under the table. An exponent of high breeding never forgets to be a gentleman under the most adverse circumstances.
Never whistle, sing ditties, or jeer irrelevantly while another guest is responding to a popular toast. You surely should not wish to monopolize the entire oratorical effects of the occasion; and, moreover, boorish interruption is always in equivocal form.
Never fail to maintain a firm but easy attitude. The willow, not the lightning-rod, will afford you the best suggestions.
Never walk over people, but around them. Men and women are not stepping-stones or door-mats, save to monarchs and rich corporations.
Never neglect to apologize if you stamp on a man’s corns, or jostle him into an excavation.
Never howl with laughter at any peculiarity of aspect, manner or dress. Be a gentleman always.
Never crush and shoulder your way through groups of ladies at shop-windows, with your cane menacingly twirled aloft, shillelah-fashion. Analogy between a fashionable promenade and Donnybrook Fair is wholly apocryphal.
Never smoke in the street, unless you can afford a good article. Chinese cigarettes, long nines, and black cutty pipes are decidedly in bad form.
Never, if you must smoke, whiffle your smoke in others’ faces, or playfully burn them in the back of the neck, or ask a lady for a light. Walter Raleigh, the father of tobacco-using, even carried his own cuspidor.