1190. The late Duchess of York having desired her housekeeper to seek out for a new laundress, a decent looking woman was recommended for the situation. But, said the housekeeper, I am afraid she will not suit your royal highness; as she is a soldier’s wife, and these people are generally loose characters. What is it you say? said the duke, who had just entered the room―a soldier’s wife! Pray, madam, what is your mistress? I desire, that the woman may be immediately engaged.
1191. A man that had been terribly troubled with lawsuits, went one day to Tyburn to see an execution, and then swore ’twas better to have to do with Tyburn than Westminster Hall; for there, suits hang half a year, but at Tyburn, half an hour’s hanging ends all.
1192. Some men sitting drinking together, were praising the ale about England, as Hull ale, Margate ale, Cheshire ale, and Lambeth ale. One said there was in London to his knowledge the best in all England; and yet, said another, there’s as good ale in England, as in London.
1193. A notorious cunning thief, upon being taken up, applied for a peace warrant against the justice,―as, he said, he stood in fear of his life from him.
1194. A country gentleman asked a wise man, when he saw a fellow abuse and sneer at him, Why he did not return it. Why truly, said he, I think I should do very indiscreetly in so doing; for if an ass kicks you, do you kick him again?
1195. A man, in a bitter cold night, was passing through the street, and seeing all a-bed, and no candle in any window, bethought himself of this project; up and down he went crying, Fire, fire, fire! which made several come to their windows. They asked him where it was? he replied, That was just what he wanted to know, for he was devilish cold.
1196. Some apprentices in London being about to act a play one Christmas, when they were perfect, went to a grave citizen, and requested him to lend them his clothes to act a play in. No, said he, nobody shall play the fool in my clothes but myself.
1197. At a certain battle, a Spanish cardinal went in among the soldiers, and advised them not to spare their lives, but to exert their utmost courage, promising them a remission of all their sins, and that those who died in battle should dine with the angels in Paradise; and having thus reconciled them, he was about to retire from the field, which one of the soldiers perceiving, said to him, And will you not stay and dine with us in Paradise? To which the valiant cardinal replied, His dinner hour was later.