~The Freshman~: “Oh--er--might I be excused from my lectures for a few days? The truth is--er--I want very much to attend the funeral of an old and trusted friend.”
~The Dean~: “Well, really, Robinson,--I wonder if that is quite necessary?--Now, if it were your father or your mother, I should, of course, be only _too_ delighted.” ]
De debble see St. Peter sneak into heaben’s gate; He holler: “What’s yo’ hurry? Wait dar, Peter! Wait!”
De saint pull in de latch-string, an’ holler: “Now, you go! I’ll sic de houn’ dawg on you de fustest t’ing you know.”
“I speaks you like a ge’man,” de debble up an’ say, “And yere you shets me out, sah! Fer shame! to ack dat way!”
“Don’ argify,” say Peter. “You leads fo’ks into sin. Ain’t shettin’ you out, nohow; I’s shettin’ mahse’f in.”
A Canary, its woe to assuage, Once invented a wireless cage. The owl shook his head, “It’s a Great Thought,” he said, “But it’s far in advance of the age.”
Quoth the book-worm, “I don’t care one bit If writers have wisdom or wit; A volume must be Pretty dull to bore me As completely as I can bore it.”
End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Century Illustrated Monthly Magazine, by Various