“They would tell us some time, how base a thing it was to defame the house and abuse the bed of a friend. Our answer was ready, ‘Well! and had we not better do it there where the house is open to us, the master and lady kind, the occasion fair and easy, than to run a caterwauling into a family where every servant in the house is a spy, and (perhaps) a fellow behind every door in the house with a dagger or pistol in his hand to entertain us.’ Upon this, our grave counsellors finding us so resolute, e’en gave us over, and told us as before, that in the other world we should meet with our reward. Now taking this to be the other world these honest men told us of, we are inquiring after the rewards they promised us.”
“Abominable scoundrels!” said an officer of justice, there at hand, “how many of your reprobated companions have squandered away their fortunes upon whores and dice, exposing not only their wives and children but many a noble family to a shameful and irreparable ruin; and let any man put in a word of wholesome advice, their answer is, ‘Tush, tush; our wives and children are in the hands of Providence; and let Him provide for the rooks, that feeds the ravens.’ Then was it told ye, you should find your reward in the other world; and the time is now come wherein ye shall receive it; up, up then, ye cursed spirits, and away with them.” At which word a legion of devils fell on upon the miserable caitiffs, with whips and firebrands, and gave them their long-expected reward; and at every lash a voice was heard to say, “In the other world you shall receive your reward;” these wretches, in the meanwhile, damning and sinking themselves to the pit of hell, still, as if they had been upon earth, and vomiting their customary and execrable blasphemies.
Just as this storm blew over there drew near a multitude of bailiffs, sergeants, Catchpoles, and other officers of prey, with the thieves’ devil, bound hand and foot, and a foul accusation against him. Whereupon Lucifer, with a fell countenance, took his seat in a flaming chair, and called his officers about him. So soon as the prince had taken his place, a certain officer began his report. “Here is before thee,” quoth he, “a devil, most mighty Lucifer, that stands charged with ignorance in his trade; and the shame of his quality and profession, instead of damning men, he has made it his business to save them.” The word save put the court in such a rage, that they bit their lips till the blood started and the fire sparkled at their eyes; and Lucifer, turning about to his attorney, “Who would ever have imagined,” said he, “that so treacherous a rascal could have been harboured in my dominions?” “It is most certain, my gracious lord,” replied the attorney, “that this devil has been very diligent in drawing people into thefts and pilferies, and then, when they come to be discovered, they are clapped up and hanged, or some mischief or other. But still, before execution, the ordinary calls them to shrift; and many times the toy takes them in the head to confess and repent, and so they are saved. Now this silly devil thinks, that when he has brought them to steal, murder, coin, and the like, he has done his part, and so he leaves them; whereas he should stick close to them in the prison, and be tempting of them to despair and make away themselves. But when they are once left to the priest, he commonly brings them to a sight of their sins, and they ’scape. Now this simple devil was not aware, it seems, that many a soul goes to heaven from the gallows, the wheel, and the faggot: and this failing has lost your Highness many a fair purchase.” “Here’s enough,” cried the president, “and there needs no more charge against him.” The poor devil thought it was high time to speak now, when they were just upon the point of passing his sentence; and so he cried out, “My lord,” said he, “I beseech you hear me; for though they say the devil is dead, it is not meant of your greatness.” So there was a general silence, and thus he proceeded.