1. : As
regards the insult to those who have done me honor, what I have
already said might be sufficient to prove that in avoiding this
office I had no desire to put them to shame; but I will now
endeavor to make it evident, to the best of my ability, that I was
not puffed up by arrogance of any kind. For if the choice of a
generalship or a kingdom had been submitted to me, and I had then
formed this resolution, any one might naturally have suspected me
of this fault, or rather I should have been found guilty by all
men, not of arrogance, but of senseless folly. But when the
priesthood is offered to me, which exceeds a kingdom as much as the
spirit differs from the flesh, will any one dare to accuse me of
disdain? And is it not preposterous to charge with folly those who
reject small things, but when any do this in matters of pre-eminent
importance, to exempt such persons from accusations of mental
derangement, and yet subject them to the charge of pride? It is
just as if one were to accuse, not of pride, but of insanity, a man
who looked with contempt on a herd of oxen and refused to be a
herdsman, and yet were to say that a man who declined the empire of
the world, and the command of all the armies of the earth, was not
mad, but inflated with pride. But this assuredly is not the case; and they who say such things do not injure me more than they injure themselves. For merely to imagine it possible for human nature to despise this dignity is an evidence against those who bring this charge of the estimate which they have formed of the office. For if they did not consider it to be an ordinary thing of no great account, such a suspicion as this would never have entered their heads. For why is it that no one has ever dared to entertain such a suspicion with reference to the dignity of the angels, and to say that arrogance is the reason why human nature would not aspire to the rank of the angelic nature? It is because we imagine great things concerning those powers, and this does not suffer us to believe that a man can conceive anything greater than that honor. Wherefore one might with more justice indite those persons of arrogance who accuse me of it. For they would never have suspected this of others if they had not previously depreciated the matter as being of no account. But if they say that I have done this with a view to glory, they will be convicted of fighting openly against themselves and falling into their own snare; for I do not know what kind of arguments they could have sought in preference to these if they had wished to release me from the charge of vainglory.
2. For if this desire had ever entered my mind, I
ought to have accepted the office rather than avoided it. Why? because it would have brought me much glory. For the fact that one of my age, who had so recently abandoned secular pursuits, should suddenly be deemed by all worthy of such admiration as to be advanced to honor before those who have spent all their life in labors of this kind, and to obtain more votes than all of them, might have persuaded all men to anticipate great and marvellous things of me. But, as it is, the greater part of the Church does not know me even by name: so that even my refusal of the office will not be manifest to all, but only to a few, and I am not sure that all even of these know it for certain; but probably many of them either imagine that I was not elected at all, or that I was rejected after the election, being considered unsuitable, not that I avoided the office of my own accord.
3. : But those
who do know the truth will be surprised.
: And lo! these
are they who, according to you, falsely accuse me of vainglory and
pride. Whence then am I to hope for praise? From the many? They do
not know the actual fact. From the few? Here again the matter is
perverted to my disadvantage. For the only reason why you have come
here now is to learn what answer ought to be given to them. And
what shall I now certainly say on account of these things? For wait
a little, and you will clearly perceive that even if all know the
truth they ought not to condemn me for pride and love of glory. And
in addition to this there is another consideration: that not only
those who make this venture, if there be any such (which for my
part I do not believe), but also those who suspect it of others, will be involved in no small danger.