Yet seriously she never expected to have the opportunity of proving her entire disinterestedness; the choice would never lie in her power; Lord Osborne could not seriously contemplate such a mesalliance, nor could his mother and sister possibly countenance it if he did. The idea carried absurdity and contradiction with itself: he certainly looked at her a good deal; but she could not build a substantial edifice of hope on so narrow a foundation in reality. He probably had looked at twenty girls before in the same way; and as to any other attentions, they were not so marked as to have raised any speculations in her own mind.
It was true Elizabeth had laughingly accused her of captivating him—but Elizabeth was only in joke—she could not have really imagined it possible. This idea raised a new dilemma in her mind.
Suppose Mr. Howard should have retired only to make way for the passive admiration of Lord Osborne; suppose he was waiting till his lordship left off looking at her; and suppose he never should do that—that his devotion should never proceed beyond a look—no expression escape him—but the expression which his eyes might chance to convey, what should she do, to show her indifference to his looks, and the absence of all speculation on their meaning which she really felt. She could not tell how to repulse him into a state of inoffensive acquiescence, or how to convince Mr. Howard, under such circumstances, that there was nothing to fear from his rivalry. Besides she was not to see him again for a long time. How very unkind of him to go away and leave her merely because Lord Osborne had such a fancy for looking at her.
Mr. Howard had paid her more attention, had shown more interest in her, had made a much deeper impression on her feelings than any one she had ever known, and now he was voluntarily leaving her. It was unkind—unjust—ungenerous—it was all sorts of bad things; she began to look on it in a new light—to get almost angry with him, to think him unreasonable—capricious—not worth caring about—for five minutes, at least, she was quite indignant, and resolute not to interest herself any more about him.
How long this new state of feeling might have lasted, if left to itself, it was impossible to say, she was interrupted by the entrance of Lord Osborne, who hurried into the room with an entreaty that she would return with him to the library.